17 Diapers and the Internet's Lack of Grace
Why Moms Deserve Support, Not Shame, in the Hardest Seasons of Motherhood
I didn’t have 17 diapers, but I did spend over half of my late daughter’s life in the hospital because she was medically complex.
I didn’t have 17 diapers, but I did administer more rescue doses of epilepsy medications than I could count.
I didn’t have 17 diapers, but I spent many nights wondering when she would take her last breath.
Because of all of this, I will never judge a mother who is struggling. We all struggle in our own ways.
A while back, a mom on TikTok shared a glimpse into her own struggles. She had been solo parenting her newborn and toddler for 24 hours while her husband was away. At the end of the day, she walked through her house, gathering up dirty diapers to throw away. She counted 17.
Seventeen times, she had changed her babies. Seventeen times, she had cared for them, despite her exhaustion. Instead of seeing this, the internet chose to shame her. Instead of recognizing that she was doing her best, people ridiculed her. Instead of asking if she was okay or how they could help, countless women - many of whom have likely claimed to “support other moms” - chose to chastise her.
Postpartum struggles are no secret, and yet our world still hesitates to support mothers in the ways they truly need. It’s ironic that in a culture obsessed with “authentic” content, people scoff when a mother is genuinely vulnerable. And it’s especially ironic that so many of these critics are mothers themselves. Have they forgotten? Maybe. But I find that hard to believe.
The mental load of motherhood, especially in those early postpartum days, is impossible to fully describe. It’s a paradox—one of the most beautiful, fleeting, love-filled seasons of life, but also one of the most grueling. Massive hormonal shifts, physical recovery, sleepless nights, and the sheer weight of being responsible for a tiny, helpless human can become overwhelming—especially for mothers without strong social support.
Even the smallest tasks can feel impossible when you’re running on fumes for weeks, sometimes months. Many mothers silently push through undiagnosed anxiety, depression, or even postpartum psychosis because “strong” isn’t a choice—it’s their only option. They pour from an empty cup, putting their own well-being on the back burner. And while they would never trade motherhood for anything in the world, that doesn’t mean it’s not heavy.
Mothers know this. And yet, when a woman bravely shares her struggles, she is often met with criticism rather than compassion. Social media is a double-edged sword—while it connects moms in the trenches of early motherhood, it also pits women against each other, feeding negative engagement to the algorithm and magnifying shame instead of support.
This mother’s video could have been seen as a quiet triumph—proof that, despite her exhaustion, she was still showing up for her babies. It could have been a moment for encouragement, a reminder that she wasn’t alone. Instead, people chose to see what they wanted. They chose negativity because, for some reason, outrage is more satisfying than empathy.
If you’ve never had 17 dirty diapers scattered around your house, I’m happy for you.
If you’ve never been so deep in postpartum depression that waking up felt like the hardest thing in the world, I’m happy for you.
If you’ve never been so crippled by anxiety or postpartum psychosis that you feared for your own safety, I’m happy for you.
If you’ve never felt the weight of parenting without support, I’m happy for you.
But that isn’t every mother’s story.
You have no idea what someone is going through inside the walls of their home. Choosing grace takes far less effort than judgment - and it may be the very thing a struggling mother needs to keep going.
Check in on the moms in your life. Odds are, nobody has checked on them today. People ask about the kids, but who is asking about her? Ask how you can support her. And if she doesn’t know, just show up. Bring coffee. Help with the dishes. Fold some laundry. Hold the baby while she showers.
Before offering judgment, consider all the ways you could offer grace instead.